Dog Day of Summer

Today was a lazy day. Usually Monday, my stay-at-home-mom day, is filled with errands, chores, swim lessons and playdates. The hours between when my children wake up (lately, 5am) and when morning rush hour dies down (the first reasonable time to go anywhere) is spent plotting the day. What can I accomplish before lunch time? What would be something fun and different to do with the kids? When was the last time I washed everyone’s sheets?

Dog Day 1This Monday started out just like any other. I put in a load of laundry and then the three of us went to a local farm and picked berries. It was a hot morning and we didn’t stay long. We watched the animals, bought some corn, picked about two pounds of blueberries and were home by 10:30.

Then something unexpected happened. We filled up the kiddie pool, laid some blankets, and hung out in the shade for five hours. That’s not a typo. We literally remained in the same small bit of yard until mid-afternoon, my son and daughter wearing nothing but diapers and underpants, respectively.

At first, I hoped both children would fall asleep and I’d be free to tackle more projects, or, more likely, catch up on my Facebook feed. But, as my son slept on and off until lunch, my daughter and I talked, she rolled around, we splashed in the water. Being outside in the shade on this gorgeous sunny day with no plans was my only commitment. That and periodically dragging the towels out of the shifting sun.

When my son woke up, it was Popsicle time (“pop-a-cle”) and I enjoyed watching it melt in long streams of purple over his chin and down his belly. No need for cleanliness when you’re eating al fresco, after all. The three of us looked at books, attempted some puzzles (but failed due to the lack of a hard surface), and watched airplanes fly overhead. It was lovely.

Dog Day 2

Eventually, even the shade became uncomfortably warm and we headed inside. The cool, relative darkness of the house felt refreshing and well-deserved.

“Can we watch a Paw Patrol?” my daughter asked.

“Pa-po-po,” my son agreed.

I thought, why not, and set them in front of the tv in the basement.

My son fell back asleep and my daughter happily zoned out while I went back upstairs and was productive. I cleaned up a bit, dumped out the kiddie pool, and changed the sheets on everyone’s bed. I didn’t feel rushed or impatient. I felt lucky. Calm. Thankful for this very lazy, very sunny, dog day of summer.

Condoms for Sale

I admit it; I still get embarrassed buying condoms. Is there anything more awkward to purchase? Probably. But I can’t think of what. I’d rather buy laxatives. Something about placing this very personal item in front of a cashier turns me into a teenager again.

In fact, I’ve employed the same approach since I first had a use for them (*wink wink*). Buy other things, too and no one will notice. I remember my first condom purchase. I bought a small box of condoms and a huge box of Mike and Ikes. Well played, nineteen-year-old Kim.

SONY DSC
source: http://littlebitsof.com

 

I got smarter over time, adding more and more items to my cart before paying. The last time I bought them, the total came to about $70. I went to CVS only needing birth control and I walked out with greeting cards, mascara, a seltzer, Band-Aids, Children’s Motrin, markers, and a pack of condoms.

As I stood in line, I studied the scenarios. There were two cashiers, a sixty-something-year-old woman and a teenage boy. My preference, which should go without saying, was the woman, but of course, her current customer had a cart full of stuff and a hand full of coupons. (Who uses a cart at CVS? Seriously.) The customer in front of the teenager was being handed his receipt. Dammit.

Maybe I imagined it, but the boy seemed to examine everything I was buying before placing it into a plastic bag. He didn’t open the Birthday cards, but he checked out which flavor seltzer I favored and the pattern on the Band-Aids (Toy Story, obvi). The box of condoms was strategically placed underneath my greeting cards (so other shoppers wouldn’t see them in my basket), making it one of the last items to be rang up.

I swear I saw him smirk. My face heated and I stared at the card swiping machine, willing it to process faster. It seemed to move slower than usual as it prompted me to answer a gazillion questions. Yes, the total is correct. Yes, charge everything to one card. No, I do not want cash back. Yes, I want to die right now.

I had my son in a stroller so clearly family planning is important to me. And I long since passed the age (and marital status) where being sexually active is appropriate (although I’m still buying Toy Story Band Aids). Plus, at this stage in my life, I just shouldn’t care. Maybe I do, because buying condoms can prompt so many questions: Who is this woman sleeping with? Is she cheating on her husband? How quickly is she going to go through this box? Was that baby a mistake? Is she buying these for someone else?

There’s something scandalous about it. When you buy laxatives, the simple logical conclusion is that someone doesn’t have enough fiber in her diet. Cut back on the cheese, Woman.

Maybe I’m just a prude. Either way, next time I’m going to see if Amazon sells condoms and save myself the embarrassment.

Top Reasons “Terminator 2” Is the Best Movie of All Time

When I first watched this movie back in high school, it was because my dad bought it at Blockbuster when the store was running a “Three for $10” type of deal. In case you need a refresher, Blockbuster was a brick and mortar outfit that required a membership for people to rent VHS tapes and Nintendo games for three days at a time. They also had movies for purchase when the films weren’t popular enough anymore to keep a ton of copies in inventory.

Anyway, my dad came back with Terminator 2: Judgment Day, Total Recall, and a bunch of other randoms. I didn’t see the first Terminator movie until I was dating my husband and he was explaining why Sarah Connor is so freaked out when she first sees Arnold Schwarzenegger at the looney bin.

Point is, I didn’t feel the need to watch the original, because the sequel stood so well on its own. Here are the other reasons why I think T2 (look how well it abbreviates!) is (one of) the best movie of all time.

1. It Crosses Genres

The movie has an R rating for violence, but it’s low key. In one sense or another, it could be considered action, drama, comedy, sci-fi, or even thriller. Something for everybody!

I personally had a crush on Eddie Furlong for many years. Why not add Romance to the mix, since I probably still giggle like a pre-teen when he acts all suave in the face of authority.

2. The Story Is a Paradox

Kyle Reese, the man sent back in time to protect the mother-to-be of John Connor, the Leader of the human resistance, is the one to impregnate her with her son, John. How would John have been born if Future John didn’t send Kyle back in time? *mind blown*

3. It Hasn’t Aged

This movie came out in 1991. It’s surprisingly watchable by today’s technology and CGI standards. You can’t really say that about the first one, which was released only 7 years prior. In fact, there are a lot of crappy action movies from the nineteen-whatevers that would make you cringe if you watched today. Not the case here.

4. It’s About Cyborgs

I repeat: cyborgs. Not only is the word undeniably badass, but the concept is also. A quick Wikipedia search explains a cyborg quite well as an organism that has “restored function or enhanced abilities due to the integration of some artificial component or technology that relies on some sort of feedback.”

Pretty neat that the Terminator’s CPU is a neural-net processor, a learning computer, and that he gets the crap kicked out of him but keeps ongoing. You also can’t argue that Robert Patrick plays an extremely convincing T-1000. That scene where he shakes his finger – creepy AF.

5. The Quotes

I won’t go overboard since you can IMDB this sh*t (I’ll make it easy for you: Clicky), but here are a few gems:

t2
Image courtesy of IMDB.com

-Terminator: I know now why you cry, but it is something that I can never do.

-John Connor: Is it dead?

   Terminator: Terminated.

-John Connor: Jesus, you were gonna kill that guy.

   Terminator: Of course; I’m a Terminator.

-Terminator: Come with me if you want to live.

-Sarah Connor: The unknown future rolls toward us. I face it, for the first time, with a sense of hope. Because if a machine, a Terminator, can learn the value of human life, maybe we can too.

So, if you are out of things to do this weekend, or for some reason flipping through those DVD collections you never reference anymore, pop in T2 and relive the glory. You’re welcome.

Blog-izzle

Weeee, I started a blog!

Welcome.

I’m still not absolutely sure what you’re apt to find here. That is, I haven’t quite dedicated a theme to this blog other than a “This Is My Life” type of thing. I’m sorry in advance, because there’s not too much happening here on my end other than the aforementioned desire to get my manuscripts published.

I don’t tend to have strong opinions on issues, and when I do, I keep them to myself. Hey, at least I won’t be offending anybody!

This reminds me that I was once told (by a physical therapist, who was treating a stress-related neck injury caused by me and my husband living below five D bags for an entire year, but I digress) that I was amazingly normal. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at when he told me this, but I often go back and forth between considering this a compliment and an insult.

So yeah, I’m a normal human being. Congratulations to me.

You’ll probably read a lot about my parenting woes, but that’s because the moment you pop a baby out, your life changes from A to B (see Diagram 1).

pies

I have a toddler and a baby and I love them madly. I have a cute house and an awesome yard and last year the most amazing strawberries grew in our garden. I am very fortunate. (Because who doesn’t love amazing strawberries. I mean, really?)

KCrow out for now. Please come back again soon.